2010, the year.

For complete honesty's sake, I have to say that I'm afraid what I am about to write here is a bit lame. I read a whole bunch of blogs. Two pastors whose words I have come to love reading have recently posted about naming their years. The concept is that you give yourself a clear direction and vision for the year, based on what you feel like God is doing/saying to you. One named 2010 "the year of strong foundations", and the other "the year of strategic preparation".

I tend to have an aversion to goals. I don't know why. Maybe it's my own strange take on a fear of commitment. But I read these blogs and thought "never". Tonight, suddenly, God changed my mind.

He said, "This, 2010, is your year of purification."
This is kind of based off of this blog by Mark Batterson, which I read a few weeks ago.

I feel Him saying that this year is going to be a launching pad for the rest of my life (I'm not entirely sure what that means). For that reason, I desperately need Him to purify my heart, mind, thoughts, actions, and motives.

The promise I'm standing on is this:
"being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
~Philippians 1:6

Good titles are so hard to think of.

Today was my first Friday off. In case you hadn't heard, I'm no longer working at the New Oxford Coffee Co. I miss it already, but I know it was God's leading. I'm already a bit concerned about financial circumstances. However, I know that God is my source...not the coffee shop, or the church.

So anyway, my main reason for this update is to talk about discipline. Or rather, my lack thereof. I've been incredibly lax as of late. Whether it's starting a fast and not finishing it, struggling to maintain a consistent devotional life, or what have you...I have not been very in control.

As a church leadership, we are doing a 21 day Daniel fast from January 10th to the 31st. The purpose is to really set our hearts right for 2010. My main purpose is to get my self-control back on track. It's pretty huge to cut out meat, most carbs, sweets, and all drinks except for water (and coffee...I don't think I'm giving that up this time). Most of the reason I'm posting this is for accountability. I've not finished so many fasts lately, I need help! I'm also hoping to get my sleep schedule back under control. I've been staying up way too late, and not being able to get up in the morning. It's growing increasingly worse. I'd like to make a tangible goal in that area, and start going to the 8am prayer at church during the week.

Sooo, there's that. Now I'm going to read a little, and hopefully sleep. Goodnight!

prayer for the New Year...

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and the exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.
May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, and starvation, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

~excerpt from Franciscan benediction

Book giveaway!

Anne Jackson is one of my favorite bloggers to follow. Right now she's doing a "super massive book giveaway", because she just has too many books. Could she be any cooler?

Check it out if you like free stuff:
http://flowerdust.net/2009/12/24/supermassive-bookgiveaway/

I know.

What if God just sometimes moves too fast?

If I wasn't absolutely certain that God has called me to this time and place (how else could the circumstances of the past five years be explained?) I may have made plans to run away today.

There's not any one thing. Just a lot of things. And a lot of thoughts.

Who knows?

Turns out I don't know much of anything.

But I know He's good. And I know He's faithful. And I know He's sovereign. And I know He loves me.

Happy birthday Gerry!

Today we celebrate the birth of Gerald Evan Stoltzfoos. I, for one, am incredibly glad that God blessed the earth with him.

Awhile ago I sent him the top ten reasons why I loved him. I thought about making another one of those for this post. But then I was thinking about how birthdays are a celebration of life so far, as well as an eager expectation of life to come. So I thought it appropriate to make two lists.

List #1: Celebration.
1. He used to call me Blondie when I was little. I hated nicknames, and have always refused them (for whatever reason). This is the only nickname I ever remember allowing, and even secretly enjoying.
2. When I was going through a dark few years as a teenager, he somehow found the perfect mix of loving, worrying about, and praying for me...without pushing me.
3. I feel like he's my biggest fan. He pulls this off without being awkward or cheesy. This makes me feel safe, which is something I'm growing to appreciate more and more.
4. He stretches me and expects more of me than I sometimes think I can do....but how else am I going to grow?
5. He is a spiritual father to me. In a world where so many people grow up without daddies, I have three great ones, besides God. How lucky am I?


List #2: Expectation.
1. I don't know anyone else who talks about God giving them a strategy to, in one fell swoop, turn America back to God. I completely believe it will happen, and can't wait to be a part of it.
2. I love his passion to develop leaders. It's also my favorite thing ever. He has been a part of lifting so many awesome people above him. I believe that thousands of amazing world changers are yet to be impacted by Gerry's life.
3. I've never met anyone else so excited about church planting. They might exist, but I doubt it. I love the God-sized dream of planting 1,000 churches...and when we get there, we'll do another thousand.
4. And then on the other side of the huge, God-sized dream, Gerry always remembers the one. Seeing his tearful joy over just one person's life being transformed reminds me what it's all about.
5. No matter where life takes me, you will always be a spiritual father to me. I love you Gerry!

Blogging is a funny thing. It's pretty trendy right now, but really...what's the point? I used to blog every day...sometimes multiple times in one day. I've come to the conclusion that I may have used it as a substitute for emotional intimacy. I was so good at being a teenager.

Not.

In conclusion, I have awesome friends.